A Worthy Ramble

2009-01-30T16:09:00.003-05:00

Hello and Welcome to Today,

First off, snow be gone! please, please, Puhlease, leave! I want to see the grass so bad i'm considering plugging in my hair dryer to an extension cord and drying off the lawn by myself, problem is ->

In other news, I'm really loving forest city lovers, especially their song orphans! And I'm re-loving tilly and the wall, potkettleblack! Sometimes I stumble upon music randomly and if it doesn't sound like the soundtrack of my life at that very moment i often put it on the shelf, later when i come back i find new appreciations for them, it's brilliant really, the reflective quality of time passing,

thus my equation for life, probably pilfered from someone else, but still:

CHANGE

_____________ = GROWTH

TIME

(change over time equals growth, slight play on words)

NewMusic

2009-01-25T21:22:00.002-05:00

Music. -> Ya it's great but what has it done for me lately. I want new songs and it's getting harder to find ones that fit up to my standards. 1. they can't suck. 2. they have to be good
Pretty unrealistic I know, but I refuse to lower myself for sub par bands. My most favourite of late was the Kings of Leon, Lykke Li, and Emiliana Torrini, but I can only listen to songs so often before I start to develop a resistance for them. It's like I'm the flu and music is the vaccine that they have to keep updating year after year because otherwise i might just throw up.

So that analogy got a little lost, the point is I need new good stuff that no one has heard of yet so I can shove it there faces that I loved them first. I just realized that I sound a bit like a crack addict.... perhaps they have some kind of music lovers anonymous?.... COPYRIGHT! Steal my idea and I'll find you!

But to ward off anyone from experiencing similar conditions I'd thought I'd expose my hidden musical loves... (maybe I am cracked out/); Hitten by Those Dancing Days and My Boy Builds Coffins by Florence and the Machine skip to about 3:08 for just the song minus the interview, there are others but I'm so bored of them I can't bring myself to find the links to share.

florence from florence and the machine, image found here

The Wheelers

2009-01-25T17:04:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I went to go see revolutionary road, and I must say it was quite beautiful. Leo and Kate were wonderful together [shocker!] and I think that the academy should create a new joint category for best duo, because honestly the interplay between them, the reactions they have for each other are just so intertwined it becomes one performance through two bodies. Not to mention the scenery, sets and costumes. '55 relived. The writing was also lovely the way the words held such power was truly and honestly evocative which is pretty damn amazing given the surface layer mundane quality of suburban discourse. It peels back that layer, shows a shadow of raw truth and then mucks it up again with complications of reality. It is a film definitely deserving of it's praise.

2009-01-24T19:09:00.002-05:00

i love tv. I love the story telling aspect of it, and investing in flawed and funny characters. I love the imagination behind it and the way its crafted into a world like our own but not quite ours. The mid-season replacements are here and I have a couple of new favourites that deserve a mention:

The United States of Tara -> the pilot was great but I've experienced disappoint following pilots before so I'm tentatively waiting before I give it my full endorsement and go out all out crazy fan for it, but right now I think the writing is cracked out good, word to diablo cody, and the acting is great. The opening scene though where Tara is describing her work for the mayors wife and how her client wanted a gold diaper genie??!! Thats a bit of a stretch, but I totally believe in the acting talents of toni collette and her ability to be a million different people in one body.

Also Skins series 3 -> yes, I admit it, I like the sometimes sleazy british teen series. It has great music, and raunchy plot lines that I find amusing. Plus great accents in a variety of bristol ranges. I watched the premiere and while the cast is almost entirely new, and though I would have convinced myself of anything as long as Tony, Sid, and Chris came back, I can understand that in reality time moves forward and people/characters move on. That doesn't mean I have to like it. If I were Stephen Colbert I'd put the entire cast of series 3 on notice, but since I'm not, I'll just hope that they can live up to the high expectations of Tony Stonem and Sid Jenkins...

Finally a shout out for Lie to Me, tim roth = pretty great, but it's an eerily similar concept to the mentalist who can also root out lies better than a hog hunting for truffles. Don't know why that popped into my head... Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother surprisingly don't suck, it's not a huge surprise... but still.

I see Signs.

2009-01-23T16:50:00.006-05:00

found here from here

I'm the kind of person who is always on the look out for signs. Street signs, road signs, 2-4-1 signs, but mainly I'm out there trying to be receptive to signs that mean something to me personally, in the figurative/metaphorical kind of sense. Sure this may mean I have some kind of brain tumor pressing against some section of my brain that makes me delusional, but I prefer to think of it as communing with the universe. I'm of the belief that we are all connected in a way that only physicists can comprehend, think energy and atoms, so for that abstract reason I like to believe that things aren't always random and at the same time that there isn't some grand authority figure in the sky waiting to smite me because I had a slice of pepperoni pizza on Friday. It's more of the butterfly effect, tweaked slightly; it's recognizing that actions all across the world, and those extremely close have consequences that maybe imperceptible to the conscious decision making process but are out their affecting things none-the-less.

this is a picture I took inside my towns new library, which is strictly verboten,

but i saw the reflection and thought, 'import a life? WTF?"

For example: Last summer, before one of my classes started, my professor, another student and I were talking, I can't really remember what about and I can't actually remember that other woman's name but what she said has since resonated with me. She said "You have to ask for what you want." Simple statement, yes, but I've come back to it again and again. Now, I'm not one who easily asks for help, I don't really like to be 'a bother' and I do not like confrontation so this concept of easily asking for what I want is definitely not as easy as it seems; but now it's there, in the back of my head constantly pushing my fear in the ribs and getting it's back up whenever I feel the impulse to give up without trying. It reminds me of that biblical cliche "ask and thee shall receive." Some out there may see me asking for signs and so I'm receiving them, but it's what I want. I want to believe that we are all connected. I want to believe that there is meaning to our actions. I want to be on the look out for new advice that rings true for me like an epiphany on a clear day illuminating one of life's little tools for getting by. So I invite you all to come and look for signs in the world that mean something to you; it makes the world seem to be a much friendly place than perhaps it is and it makes you feel like you might actually belong.

It's been a while

2009-01-15T19:02:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've written... well anything really. I think I got caught up in life like most of us do and just couldn't quite get around that edge of wanting to write/vs./ needing to write something because if you don't you just might burst!

So I suppose I should start off with how blessed I'm feeling today. Truly, I feel grateful for all the wonderful and mundane thinks in my life. I would prefer if it was spring time as I find the older I get the less patience I have for the snow and cold and all the accoutrements of winter, but I do believe that if we ever achieved true perfection the world would implode with a big GAME OVER sign. Which, of course, is not to say that I don't think we should be better, because let's face it, we have to be.

Which brings me to the point of my post today and why I feel blessed and like the world can be a beautiful place; it's called Fifty People One Question and it is so endearing I could cry. To be honest I found it on a blog I read about a month ago and I couldn't bring myself to blog about it because I selfishly wanted to hold on to it. And then I remembered my love for cliches and "if you love something (or someone) you have to set it free." And so my friends out there please share with me what I think is a truly beautiful piece of art and a touching moment of humanity.

some summer pour toi

Change. Yes we can.

2008-11-05T00:18:00.002-05:00

I am full of awe.

and wondering
what will tomorrow be like.

2008-11-04T17:11:00.002-05:00

Well it's election day and I like so many other non-Americans are looking forward to see how the next four years are going to play out for us. Will there be four more years of ignorant hell, or will be see a change. And by change I mean a change of venue. Instead of Iraq, it'll be back to Afghanistan. This may seem like a harsh criticism of an excellent candidate- actually it may see like a harsh criticism of the new soon to be president, but I know that the kind of person and official Obama is, would/or at least should, welcome criticism. Constructive though sarcastic it may be. The reality is that electing Obama is the best choice for a country/empire that is on the brink of several societal disasters. Of course some may read this as grasping at straws for an already doomed situation, or even worse putting the first Black President in a position to "fail" the entire country and thus the global economic structure. But there are so many layers of 'truth' and so many perspectives to take that any one possible future could be true. From my perspective as a privileged woman who is not an American I see an entirely different set of circumstances that might affect many many people. What I see when I hear the future president saying that he wants to go into Afghanistan and kill Osama bin Laden is someone who is looking to impress, someone who is wanting to correct the wrongs of a previous corrupt administration and be the hero in the eyes of his people. These are not horrible intentions, but what I think is that they lack is forethought. Sanctioning the murder of a terrorist, who would then become a martyr in the eyes of his followers seems like it would be cutting off the head of the hydra.

Now it's time for: A brief history lesson on Hercules of Ancient Greece.

Hercules, the son of a top God Zeus, was favoured by his father, but because he was only half-god, (his mother was a mortal), and for some other reasons (i think he pissed off some people, namely his step-mother because Hercules was evidence of her husbands infidelity), jealously etc, etc, he was given 10 tasks to complete so that he could earn his spot with his father on Mount Olympus. Well to make an even longer story short, there was this monster/dragon thing called the Hydra and it was killing people and creating all kinds of havoc and it was Hercules' charge to kill it and restore peace. You still with me? So Hercules went and chopped the things head off, not a big deal, it was hard but it's over, right? No! It's obviously not that simple, the thing grew back 2 heads! Now you've got double the problem, because every time a head was cut off 2 more grew in it's place. This will be the same problem with Obama's solution to bin Laden. To cut off his head you might have 2 even crazier cannons replace him. Hard to imagine, I know. But without proper forethought that is the risk you run. I'm not saying that Obama is going to jump willie-nillie into some kind of brouhaha, but to make such blatant statements on CNN! I don't care if American politics likes such brash statements. It is not acceptable to have such an unwavering sentiment out there. There has to be room to evaluate the circumstances based on new information and then to change plans accordingly. Making statements such as those does not play the game of politics properly nor does it best protect a country and it's people. Geez Obama, how about a little quiet time to think before you speak.

The other obstacle I fear for the American public is that after such a long period of sheer torture under the current administration that people will stop questioning Obama's policies and actions as they would have someone like McCain. He would have been under constant scrutiny by people who are very informed and by people who see how both the small picture and the bigger picture interplay. Obama may not be because he is a figure with the type of character many Americans and (I can say this) non-Americans have been hoping would sit in the Presidency. The issue then becomes growing complacent in our own hopes being achieved. And I'm not taking about the crazy critical fundamentalists out there, or anti-environment or racists who would attack him on grounds that really don't relate to his politics and his ability or method of governance. I'm talking about comedians who only poke fun at his wide smile or laugh, or journalists who write stories about how he spends breakfast with his daughters, or professors who only see his trade and tax policies as positive efforts to stimulate an economy. I don't think everyone will forget the need to be critical of a government with such power and global force, but it is definitely something everyone should be aware of come next year and we're all still celebrating; yet troops aren't returning home, medicine and gas is still to expensive, class is still a force that determines quality of education, and jobs are still be sent overseas.

I do not have unrealistic expectations of one man. I do not think Obama is a miracle worker. I think he is a change that needs to happen. One in the right direction, where America as a nation and Americans as persons will be able to re-imagine themselves not as a domineering powerhouse that hordes goods while others suffer, but as a one nation interconnected in multitude of ways with the entire world and all it's people.

To further show my support I want to link to Sam Cooke's amazing song A change is gonna come. Enjoy!

Ponderings on Hallows-Eve

2008-10-31T23:41:00.003-04:00

Hello, I thought I'd dole out a dose of honesty today, on Halloween when everyone is behind a mask, I thought that I'd peel a layer of life off and share.

My five biggest fears today, this moment:

accomplishing nothing and thus basically failing at life
going nowhere and regretting it
going somewhere and regretting leaving
george bush pulls a magic satanic trick and is elected for a third time
car accidents

On a brighter note I'm listening to one of my personal favourite songs. I like to keep it in my back pocket and bring it out every now and again so that it doesn't lose it's sparkle: Cowboy Junkies - Miles from my Home. It feels like an old friend, I find it comforting. I don't even really know what it's about. Most times when I find a song I like it's not because of the lyrics, usually, it's more about the sounds together, the melody, and of course the reaction I have from it. Sure some songs are excellent because of the lyrics but it if doesn't sound good then it's not music, it's poetry that should be read from a page.

In completely unrelated news I am a huge addict of design blogs, I love them, the pictures far more than the descriptions. I love looking at peoples personal style and how they fashion their homes. The ones I love most are ones that seem totally functional and yet effortlessly welcoming and honest. I hate pretentious design. It feels phony and makes me uncomfortable. So even though I don't have any money, or any space, or any real prospects my 5 favourite elements of any room design would have to be:

books, you have to have them!
lights, lots of different kinds so that they can change the atmosphere of the room depending on your mood
hidden storage, so that crap can be put away when you don't want it to be seen because if you look at all that junk for one second longer you might just
pictures, art or family photos or kids drawings or family artifacts that have been displayed in frames
a place to sit, pretty mundane but I think it's mandatory for every room, you need a place to sit and reflect whether it be a pile of cushions on the floor, a couch, a chair, a window seat, some comfortable place to allow yourself the time to collect your thoughts. Otherwise you'll go crazy. You know it's true. Stop. Sit. Breathe. it's a pause, just a little pause that lets you get a hold of your day and your life in this crazy insane world that keeps everyone going in a chaotic whirl of .... chaos.

Thoughts and Theories

2008-10-30T00:09:00.006-04:00

I find that keeping a blog makes you realize just how quickly time passes by. I don't write on it everyday so whenever I come back to it I'm surprised by how much time has elapsed, and then I start to take stalk of whats happened since then, what I've thought and the little things that I've done and I almost feel overwhelmed. My life is by no means extraordinary, which is great, i like it very much indeed, but when you start to think of all the little things they start to add up. For instance since my last post I: turned 23, which was great. Though I'm not a huge fan of my birthday (I can be a bit faux-superstitious about it, but maybe more on that next year). The day before my family and I went to black creek pioneer village (see photo) which was crowded with children for Halloween festivities. I did manage to get my fortune told (FIRST TIME EVER) and since it was an unexpected treat it was all the more special. We went then went out for dinner and I had the bestest filet mignon. Then on my actual birthday we had home made cake followed by presents, which were lovely, I did get my 'main' present earlier at the end of august as I needed a new purse from Roots (found here online) and my mother was offering. And though it is very expensive for a purse (for me anyways), I will have it forever. Seriously, they can bury me with it, like those pair of levi's from a 150 years ago that just sold on e-bay for like 39 000$!

^ my new purse! ^

On Wednesday I had a french presentation, which was annoying and it turns out that I didn't do as well as I normally do, but oh well c'est la vie. And then on Thursday I woke up at 5am! to catch a via rail train to London to spend some time with my besties for my birthday and cause they're special. We had some fun times, I hung with some MA students who liked to talk about things all academic-y and not so academic-y. My friend also ran into one of her students and he came right up and introduced himself and everything which was interesting if not awkward. Afterwards we speculated that we would have never done that if we had seen a TA in public. I would have hid and ran the other way, lest I have to begin thinking of them as humans and not some pedestal placed ivory towering intelligentsia. After our return on Saturday, we went to see.... I can't believe I did, so you think you can dance tour/performance thing, no mocking please.

Let's just be clear, though I was trying to be a good sport, and my friend had gotten the tickets for her birthday, and I may have even enjoyed twitch and mark, I am not a fan of dancing. I do not like it. And not just because I can't dance or because of the movie footloose. I do appreciate the crazy feats the human body can accomplish which is why I like to watch break dancing, but other than that, it's just foreplay. Literally. That's all I can see. Mating ritual and preamble to the actual act of mating. It's a form of education. And in a society that doesn't make space for open and honest conversations about sex, this is what we have had to resort too. Dancing! it's like saying "let's not have sex-education in the classes beyond wait until marriage, instead lets have teenagers watch gyrating and humping on TV! They'll get the gist of it!" Sure there are holes in my theory, dancing as art, what if one person is dancing alone, we're not animals anymore driven solely by sexual urges, well to that I say..... Britney Spears. You're all embarrassed now aren't you. Good.

What was I talking about.... man time flies it's already 1am! holeyfrick it's tomorrow. my topics for tomorrow include but are not limited to; squirrels and the word ma'am.

Thoughts of the Day

2008-10-19T00:19:00.009-04:00

I have been giving something a great deal of thought lately and it's been inspired by my recent obsession for design blogs. Specifically it's the distinction between a carafe and a decanter. Each was a brand new thing for me as I hadn't heard of them before and yet they kept popping up everywhere I looked. When I find something that intrigues me I like to know as much as possible. So here's what my research has turned up:

Confused? That's OK, I was too, they are pretty much the same thing, but for some further clarification here's wikipedia's two cents:

"A decanter is a vessel supplied with a stopper that is used to hold the decantation of a liquid (such as wine) which may contain sediment. Decanters are normally used as serving vessels for wine. Decanters vary in shape and design. They are usually made of an inert material (such as glass) and will hold at least one standard bottle of wine (0.75 liter).

A similar kind of vessel, the carafe, is also used for serving wine but is not supplied with a stopper."

As a person who likes to see to believe, someone who likes the visual experience of knowing, I did a little google image search and this is what turned up:

Carafe Decanter

In completely unrelated news, I'm pretty sure we had an election this week.... Not too sure.... Nothing has changed..... I thought for sure I saw Stephen Harper's face explode in fury..... maybe that was just me though.... Pretty sure he doesn't like being a minority. HA! on so many levels HA! and at the same time Crap, with a capital C it's harper's shit again.

In jovial news I'm liking some new songs and I want to share them with anyone out there who realizes that Madonna does not make music she makes crap-tainment thus: check out the horse feathers here, especially their song, curs in the weeds, it's really dreamy and makes me think of the best things that I love about the Great Lake Swimmers, also Perez may have mentioned something about Emiliana Torrini, but I liked her before that! Honest!

Giving Thanks

2008-10-16T15:19:00.007-04:00

This past weekend was Thanksgiving and I had a wonderful time this year with all of my family at my Auntie B's new cottage. We do all the traditional kinds of things, we have great food, we talk and laugh, and I'm pretty sure there was a sports game on somewhere, but we also do somethings that have special significance for our family. A couple of years ago, my family sold my grandparents house after my grandmother passed away and the whole situation was really hard on everyone. It was like losing another family member in a way, by selling the house, home, it was like letting go of a piece of time and a place where everyone always felt safe and secure and welcome. Questions then arose about what do to with the furniture that had lived in the house for decades, well this Thanksgiving I was thrilled that we were able to as a family have a holiday dinner with my grandmothers dining room set again after my lovely Aunt moved the suite to the new cottage by the water. It was like re-inventing the past in a way that functions for our family the way it is today. The past few years have been unreal and collectively and individually we've all been muddling through but for me personally this year has allowed me to see again. To feel. I don't know how else to put it.

But back to Thanksgiving feast-

We are a huge family of tea drinkers. It's a British thing I suppose, but whenever anyone comes over it's always 'Put the kettle on' it's comforting, it's home, it's family, and this year my recently-wed cousin and I were chatting about how our family loves dessert and that we should put the kettle on to get the whole after dinner treats train rolling. Tea and dessert, and you will have a house full of contented people.

One other tradition that I think is pretty specific to our family is that we play Rumoli. It's a card game and though it may seem like gambling, as we do play with real money (pennies, a dollar at a time), it is so much fun! You get the Rumoli board out, always after dinner, count out your pennies, deal the cards, remind yourself of the rules (cause we only play a few times a year when we're all together), gather 6 or 7 or 8 adults and you are in for some good times. We always have a laugh. It's something my grandmother loved, and this year we used her old board, on her dining room table surrounded by the memories of my grandparents and their descendants. We even had some of my cousin's young kids counting pennies and watching the game, learning just how I did when I was a child. It gives me this warm feeling of hope that the tradition will live on.

2008-10-07T17:34:00.003-04:00

Lately I've been listening to this band I found on a blog I read so I thought I'd share one of my favourite melodious songs that they do, the band is Camera Obscura and the song is Books written for girls.

This was a photo that I took at the nuit blanche art fesitval while inside the Eatons center. I think of it as ghost feet and I really like the atmosphere this long exposure creates. I hope you are well and are enjoying the grass before the snow

o my god

2008-10-07T16:20:00.003-04:00

So a couple of friends and I went to go to the documentary, Religulous by Bill Maher a couple of nights ago and while I think that it's fundamental to question the validity of religious doctrine and it's paramount not to combine religion with government, I believe that if people feel the need to practice a faith then it should be their INFORMED choice. I'm all about choice. I think the problem becomes with many people of faith that they are so sure that the way they practice is the only right way that they begin to see their choice as the only possible option. That their path is the only road to enlightenment. And this worries me. If there is an omnipotent God floating around out there in the ether with total power than we would all be made the same if we were all meant to take the same path. But we're not, as individuals we are all gloriously different, as communities we have different values and as cultures we have different ideals. These are not bad things, difference is not something we should be afraid of, it should not be something we have to overcome, conquer or change. Difference should be valued in and of itself. If we stop to think about humanity as a species, because we are, then the different ways in which we live can only help to ensure that our species will continue on. If everyone became the same, on large and small scales, our susceptibility to outside forces (think disease, think natural disaster, think meteor from the sky) would be incredibly low. But the more varied existence we live allows us to survive in a multitude of ways. Difference is key to our survival. It is not what separates us but what ensures our future. The problem is that difference has been met with unfriendly ignorance for so long that we have grown accustom to thinking of difference in that way. What we need is a wake up call my friends, and not from a divine intervener but from the realization that together we can be better.

The City at Night

2008-10-05T14:57:00.008-04:00

So last night was nuit blanche art festival downtown Toronto and a couple of friends were kind enough to kick my but out the door and we had a great time. The whole city was out, adventurers and art lovers for the festival, the regular Saturday night drunken bumblers, the hockey lovers, and the people of the street, together we all formed this massive collective of night wanderers, moving in hoards across downtown. I really think the city should have closed Queen St. W. and turned it into a place for pedestrians and bicyclers but I've got no clout so hopefully next year someone with pull, aka. Mr. Miller, will recognize the need and meet it. The festival has so much potential, not that it wasn't great last night, but I can just see it becoming a staple in Toronto autumn fun for years to come. Here's some pictures from the nights exhibits:

This was at city hall and it was beautiful. The displays had different themes, like love and dance and hockey (this is Canada), and there was music to some. For the most part it had this very kind of futuristic feel, taking light pollution to an artistic function, it was pretty awesome. Despite the cold we watched for a while.

This was an exhibit in the Eatons Center called In the blue and you were supposed to stand underneath it and feel like you were in the ocean. So I thought great, I'll finally get into the mind of Ariel from little mermaid, and if not at least I'll not feel as guilty about eating fish because they got to experience this great feat of beautiful nature before being plucked from the sea. Alas, there were some rather interesting realizations when you got up close. First I thought it was just some giant blue translucent floating inner tube that someone stuck the 'art' label on, but then on closer inspection the lights and movement made it seem like things were actually alive inside, which made my brain immediately leap to childbirth and then to the surprising likeness this art display has to a giant blue sphincter... so once we were there it was "oh". Moving on. The best part was being warm inside the building. And taking some awesome pictures of ghost feet that I'll share later.

And this was the last exhibit we saw before being tired, hungry and needing a bathroom commandeered our need for public art. It's a ceiling constructed in an alleyway between two buildings and the art is the ceiling but everyone kept asking "is this garbage real? is it the art?" And I felt like saying of course it's real you freakin moron, it's a freakin alley! But I didn't I held it in, and let them think that each piece of refuse was painstakingly placed in effort to convey the artists intentions. Which were really something closer to: lets make a public space that goes overlooked into a pseudo private space and see how people think differently about these ordinary everyday things under fluorescent lights and drop ceilings. How can we make people see the dualism of order and chaos; is how I like to thing about it, production and waste, the office and garbage. I could go on, believe me.

Yes, I'm Crazy. You've known it all along.

2008-09-29T17:01:00.004-04:00

Long time no type. I meant to write an entry about my love for cliches, but I think it got lost somewhere in the shuffle.

The truth of the matter is that I have spent today doing nothing. Literally, Me and the couch have formed a bond that I feared would never be broken, sooo to save myself from a life with linen I broke free of that bond ventured upstairs and thought I should pontificate about my life, online no less. Specifically how fear often grips it's creepy little fingers over my wants and desires and even my rationale. I'm no different than any one, (only in countless ways), and we've all had fear in our lives, and if you haven't I believe they have diagnosed that as sociopath... but for me, it stops me. Sometimes, when I let it. When it becomes bigger than something I think I can handle I let the fear win. That last movie that Guy Richie did, I forget what it was called but my brother and both agree that the title of The Game would have been a much better one, came around to point at the ego and the id and how the voice inside controls us and essentially how we create the fear and then it kind of takes over. Now I'm no psychologist and thank hey-zeus for that because I'd probably spend forever thinking about all the ways the human brain plays tricks on us and how we trick ourselves, I do enough of that already! And what's real anyway. But today, I just wanted to say, Damn you fear, fuck off and leave me alone, I've got things I want to do.

2008-09-07T22:38:00.003-04:00

i hate new facebook.

I hate Hate HATE new facebook.

I also hate looking for jobs. More than facebook. It fills me with anxiety, so I generally pick the most non-committal way of applying for jobs and than hope that I get an interview with some company that is not a corporate monster. Of course the problem then becomes 'hello my name is Emma and i have no marketable skills please give me a job'.

Perhaps I can dazzle them with my geographic knowledge of country capitals and my excellent taste in music and movies..... no? i didn't think so either...

Good Brunching

2008-08-22T14:41:00.005-04:00

Good Afternoon everyone and all,

Just to get something out the way, I must acknowledge my current musical obsession, it's T.I.'s whatever you like, I can't listen to it enough, and though the content of the song isn't going the same direction as my politics, I can't help but listen to it! GAH! to a lesser extent I'm also loving Shwayze's Corona and lime, but it sounds a lot like lfo, which does make me laugh.... but isn't exactly the grooviest of sound reminders.

To recap my morning my dear Italian friend who recently returned from a summer vacationing and teaching English in italia came out my way for brunch at Cora's restaurant. It was my first time there, after it was recommended to me by my bang rescuer friend, and I found the food to be amazing! It was a bit loud and surprisingly busy for a Friday morning, but the food was great, I had some omelet/crepe spinach thing with hollandaise sauce and my friend admitted that she was a bit jealous so I shared a mouthful or two. But honestly it was just great to see her again. We can always make each other smile and we can both be overdramtic and moody together. We know what buttons to press, and we put up with each others sometimes cranky attitudes. And she smokes (sometimes), which might shock some people but I love it. I don't love her polluting her lungs etc etc, but I don't have many friends who do smoke so when she does I just drink in the smell because it reminds me of people I love, my granmother and her house and that piece of my personal history. But back to my friend I love it whenever she comes back from a trip because she always has so many details and pictures to share, and no matter where she is she always seems to find a way to have a good time (not that it's that hard in Italy I imagine).

I'm going to ask her if I can borrow a picture of hers because where she stayed had lovely views of the mountains and it has to be shared! I think I'm going to make some cookies this weekend.

Other randomness: I'm going to London (ON) next week to help my best friend move into her new apartment. She's doing her masters at western, and though I'm a bit sad to see her go 3 hours away, I'm so friggin excited for her! She's going to do amazing, and meet so many people and hopefully never forget that not a single one is as amazing as me! That being said... I know that she'll meet amazing people who'll recognize her own amazingness and then the whole thing will turn into this amazing sphere of wonderfulness that revolves around how many obscure words you can litter through your research papers and marble slab ice cream.

In completely unrelated news I'm going to start taking french lessons again this September, being Canadian I do feel sort of obligated to pay homage to both of our official languages even though my parents and their parents aren't french, I like the idea of being connected to another history. And it's a beautiful language and it looks great on a government resume!

Fruitless

2008-08-14T10:33:00.002-04:00

I'm a bit embarrassed that I haven't written anything in such a long time, there is no particular reason really other than I'm trying to find a job and I feel guilty whenever I'm online and I'm not tracking down leads or tweaking my resume, but alas there has been no real prospects.
I know that I'm really picky and I don't apply for every job that I possibly could, but I figure that I've paid my dues, I've worked in retail, food service and telemarketing, and it was not enjoyable, in fact for the most part it was damn near soul crunching, that is when your soul/spirit self respect/esteem is crunched under the boot of rude and selfish customers, idiotic and selfish bosses and selfish and angry coworkers. No one really wanted to be there, god damn I hate that the capitalist machine makes us want the things they make and yet deprives us of any meaning while 'making' them. Poor Karl, you warned us.

2008-07-29T17:25:00.002-04:00

Bonjour,

Today I was meandering around etsy and came across this lovely bracelet:

found on etsy here

I just thought that it was super sweet and wanted to share it's lovely-ness. The best part is that is can be customized which is an awesome feature.

2008-07-28T13:30:00.002-04:00

So my friend and I were talking yesterday about how when we're bored on occasion we both read the personals, not out of genuine personal interest more out of curiosity. And I was thinking out loud about how people choose the words they use to describe themselves, and how it really does narrow themselves down, so it lead me to formulate this little idea:

Those who define themselves too much

Confine themselves too much.

What I mean by that, if it wasn't already clear enough, is that when we choose the words we use to describe ourselves they are always so limiting and they aren't always true. I may be adventurous today, but that's not the case all time. The words we use are too finite, they don't give any leeway or any sense of history of experience. I am not just the words someone can call me today, I am everything I think I am in the moment and everything I think I could be in a lifetime. Blerg... that's a somewhat confusing explanation. The gist of it is: we are much more than mere words can describe. And personally I refuse to be boxed in time.

2008-07-28T12:01:00.002-04:00

Well I do believe that the tides have turned in my recent tragic hair history! (Honestly I can't believe that I've devoted so many words to the tumultuous -ness of my hair, but oh well) My dear friend, who will remain anonymous but who I will always remember as the bang rescuer, came over yesterday for a visit and through style, skill and experience saved my bangs from what would have been a banished existence, until they had grown out of course. So thank you for saving the hair in front of my face!! I'm so grateful!

In recent obsessive music news, I, like the rest of the world, am obsessed with the song by MGMT, electric feel, but I'm also really loving rilo kiley's silver lining.

In other news I have learned how to tie a tie. A Windsor knot in particular. And I bought my first issue of Bitch magazine which my professor recommended, yesterday with the aforementioned friend.

Obama's Berlin Speech

2008-07-24T14:59:00.004-04:00

I think this moment is one that history will remember. I hope that when Obama is elected he can keep true to his words. This is the time, we haven't got anymore. The world is ready for Obama. Because as most people know when Americans elect their president they elect a world leader who has a lot of influence and control over the world. I'm not advocating for increased Westernization, I'm saying that it's already here. That the poverty around the world is caused by it, and as a result we are responsible for it. And it's time to stop pretending that the interests of a few are the interests of everyone. I just hope that Obama's words and the pleas of many can stand the test. Ideals are great to have, but they don't feed your families. Hope is a luxury not everyone can afford today. But maybe we can try and make changes that ensure that equality and hope is a right everyone deservedly has. I am hopeful, despite the lies of politicians in the past, I can't help but be hopeful that the future can be better for everyone, that it will be better when choice and freedom ring.

2008-07-21T08:30:00.000-04:00

I am really liking this headband i found here on etsy:

not to bright, not to boring, just about right...

2008-07-20T20:43:00.000-04:00

I really really like this:

When the student is ready, the master appears. ~Buddhist Proverb

it feels like where I'm at.

2008-07-20T16:45:00.004-04:00

It's stupid how fast time passes

Anywho, nothing really interesting has been going on. So rather then bore you I'll just tell you all a plausible lie, I've been studying for my exam next week.

It's raining here. So that's a bit blah... um.... I watched a thing on CNN about being black in america... that was fairly informative, as I am neither black nor american...... apparently racism is still alive, we've just be concealing it (in the words of Mr. West of whom I'm a fan).

.....

there was a hint of sarcasm in the last comment, i hope that got across....

I'm soooo bored

visit here for interesting good musics and here for some funny cartoon reading

I watched a portion of the movie the scorpion king that my dad was watching today.... Yes it was a mistake. I really appreciated how the movie deviated from the norm and portrayed a strong independent clothed non-hypersexualized woman as the lead. Oh wait....

I am actually a fan of Kanye West, that was not the sarcastic bit i was referencing to, if you thought this you should prolly read the comment again, if you still don't know, well it's ok, you can leave now

Gourd I'm surly today

OH NO folks, apparently there is water getting in the basement from all the rain... this is slightly amusing, it's never happened before. Of course we've had water from other sources in the basement, spilled drinks, unhappy puppies, leaking pipes, overfilled washing machines, melting ice... but never from rain....

we got a bucket.... soooo, ya..... crisis averted

my bangs have not grown yet.... sadly

New Word

2008-07-16T23:28:00.004-04:00

I chose this word not only because I love it, but because I was using it in a post earlier today and spellcheck was being all ignorant and didn't recognize it, so to prove a point to a computer mind I thought I'd clarify with a definition

2008-07-16T19:27:00.005-04:00

I have started to recover from the hideous haircut, thankfully a carefully placed hair clip hides the majority of the heinous hair flippage that now occurs. I'm trying to remain positive and find the humour in the situation, but honestly it's hard. I'm not a huge fan of sticking to a beauty regime or following standards of beauty, in fact I'd say I live my life in a state of counter beauty, but my hair has been something that I'm quite particular about. Usually I wear it up, more now in these humid Ontarian summers, but when I want to where it down I like having the choice, and now with this haircut I don't really have this option. And it's not because my hair doesn't look like something 'acceptable' because I'm sure no one else out there would notice that my hair is wrong but for me it's how my hair makes me FEEL, it's that it doesn't feel right for me, it's that she didn't do what I asked or she didn't ask me to clarify before this new hairdresser chopped off my bangs....

so yes, I am a bit bitter, and a bit melodramatic, it is hair and it does grow back, but my hair is a symbol for me. A symbol of the versatility of choice a woman can have in expressing her individual sense of femininity and the recognition that it's not the same all the time and definitely not for everyone............... in short I'm mourning my hair

On a similarly solemn note, today was the last lecture for my first women's studies course, and though our discussion was great and I tried not to monopolise the conversation too much, I'm going to miss the ways my professor taught us and how engaged and encouraged I felt. Alas the exam review and exam are next week and then it's done....

On a brighter note, a wonderful lady stopped me after class as we were walking and said how much she enjoyed my discussion on the topic of 'men being violent'*, it made my day! i love feedback like that not just for my ego, but because it lets me believe that through education and conversation we can create an environment where women (and men) can empower themselves and make themselves aware of systems of inequality and oppression and hopefully through that we can change our behaviours and make the world a better place, yes I'm one of those hopeful fellows out there who thinks that it's possible to change the world one conversation (as opposed to nuclear air strike) at a time.

I took this photo the night before a bunch of my friends graduated from university, the tree's kinda eerie because it was a long exposure and i guess i flinched or something, it almost makes it look animated

*the idea of men being violent was brought up in a presentation done by a group in class today who presented on the topic of Violence against Women and the gist of my comment was that while recognizing that we have an inherent need for self preservation and that society plays a part in conditioning the acceptability of violent men (through enforcing dominant ideals of masculinity), i wanted to point out that for anyone violence is a choice, that we have the ability as humans to think about the consequences of our actions and that to pretend that violence is something that just happens, something automatic....... is, well, bullshit.

2008-07-15T16:53:00.003-04:00

Well folks, the worst thing has happened in the history of things happening.

I have gotten the WORST hair bangs cut EVER!

my dear friends, I am beside myself, that is all I can say for now otherwise I will start to cry.... again.

2008-07-14T15:02:00.003-04:00

Well it's Monday, and I just got back from class and I got my paper back! and well... lets just say I'm quite pleased with myself. Of course there is always room for improvement, but I'm happy with the grade, I was pretty high over it an hour ago when I first checked it and now it's settled to this pleasant self satisfactory feeling.

In completely unrelated news, I watched Big Brother last night and was less then impressed, there are no James' this season, and there are a few people who I can't stand to listen too, so it's gonna be interesting. Not sure whether I'll keep watching.....

New Word

2008-07-13T21:13:00.004-04:00

I thought I'd start a semi-regular segment (semi-regular because I probably won't remember to do it everyday) about words I find that I either love or didn't know and had to look up anyways! The definitions are found at dictionary.com and the card generator I found here.

I came across the word whilst I was doing my readings for my Women's Studies 100 class. The article was Seeing and Making Culture: Representing the Poor by bell hooks, I think it was actually a chapter of a book called Outlaw Culture.

Also I love this song!

it's so beautiful, you could swim in it

Quesadillas

2008-07-13T12:27:00.001-04:00

Here at ma maison, we love good foods and we all love mexican food in particular. So when we're in the mood for good mexican food my parents are all to happy when I offer to make my verison of chicken quesadillas,

my quesadilla!

Usually I make them with stripped chicken that I marinate for a while, but I wanted to try something a bit different, so instead I used shredded chicken from one of those grocery store roasted chickens (i love them, they are crazy good time savers) and mixed it together with some cilantro and lime juice for added flavour, add in the mixed peppers and onions, cheese and some optional hot sauce on a tortilla folded in half and then grilled(?) on a flat pan on the stove, like a grilled cheese kinda. We all love it!

The whole reason why I like cooking is because it really is like an experiment, and you can be as creatively risky or safe as you like. You can make something up on the fly or you can follow a recipe. I would advise for beginners that they try and follow recipes first, only to build up your cooking confidence and so that you don't accidentally overdose your eaters on salt or ecoli!

But most of all it's fun, you can make a mess and in the moment it's not a big deal, there is no anxiety about keeping everything 'grownup' and tidy, and seeing people enjoy what you make for them, it's a piece of magic that you made!

Television Desires

2008-07-12T15:23:00.003-04:00

soooooooooo since I'm new to this bloggersphere, I’m not exactly sure where to start, so here goes.

I want new TV

it's horrible how badly I want new shows, it's only July and because of the writers strike I/we have had to suffer the unimaginable drought of no new shows for seemingly ever!! I'm the kind of person who wants 'new' all the time, which means I’m always looking for new shows with new ideas and new characters, and new musics, and new movies, and new websites. I do, of course, have old favourites that never get old, like celebrity baby blog, and perezhitlon, but even his site has been getting old. I really don't care to see mug shots of creepos thank you, if I did I would have gone to rotten.com or CNN! But I do feel bad for perez, I loved his taste in music and the fact that he's forcefully having to censor himself due to legal troubles is well, troubling. I'm hoping for a better perez future, but who can say where the internet will take us tomorrow,

as of right now I’m just waiting patiently for Big Brother 10 to start, that’s right I’m a fan, it's one of the few reality shows that I like enough to watch, sometimes the Realworld sucks me in, but the forced confinement of big brother and the total lack of entertainment (books, movies, TV) makes for interesting TV.

Bienvenue

2008-07-12T03:10:00.001-04:00

Welcome to my blog

Everyone and All

It's my first blog, so bare* with me, but as a little disclaimer before we begin our wonderful adventure together of anonymous conversation, I'd like to confess some of my minor, if not annoying, flaws. (I want you to know what you're getting yourself into)

Iam:

stubborn,

opinionated,

softskinned,

a crap speller,

a profanity speaker,

LOUD,

procrastinator supreme.

Icanbe:

lazy and

brutally honest,

distracted,

overly sensitive,

and self deprecating.

I am, however, here if you'll have me, and I'd love to share the things I love with you, the things I know, the things I think I know, and what I learn along the way.

(* as in to expose, to bare your soul)

from my mothers garden